Personal

En Route to Happiness

Are you happy right now?

Are you contented of what you have right now?

Are you sure of your friends right now?

Are you certain of what you are doing right now?

Are you happy?

Are you?

When I was a kid, I knew I was happy.

Waking up early was a sign of achievement,

Speaking my first word made my parents proud,

Eating candies made me think of an alternate heaven,

Having many friends was a sign of healthy relationships,

You see, I was that happy.

When I was a kid, I can’t wait to grow up!

Seeing my parents make money after being gone for a day,

Seeing my older relatives fall in love and get married.

Seeing those things makes me jitter about adolescence.

When I became a teenager, I was excited to do almost everything;

From trying to fit in,

To finding friends I can easily blend in,

To falling in love with random guys,

Yes, I still knew I was happy.

I was trying to be happy.

Fast forward to today,

Do you still think I’m happy?

Does this face seem happy to you?

Yes, you might say.

You might say that I am happy because I can smile, I can laugh, I can even dance if you want me to.

But hey!

This woman in front of you has been through hell trying to find what happiness really means;

The boys I have fallen in love with just broke my heart and surprisingly they don’t care at all.

The friends I ONCE trusted are now nowhere to be found.

The things I am passionate with made me realize how terrible I am.

Everything in my life right now is a mess;

These fucked up choices,

These fucked up emotions,

These fucked up relationships.

You see, I am a BIG mess.

In the middle of the night, I also ask myself the same questions.

Am I still happy right now?

Am I still contented of what I have right now?

Am I still sure of my friends right now?

Am I still certain of what I am doing right now?

Am I still happy?

AM I?

-Kat

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