Personal

Matters of the Heart

Since February is love month and everyone has been so busy preparing for what to give for their loved ones or how to celebrate their dates on the 14th, let me tell you about my own personal love story.


I have known Him for quite long. He has been introduced to me since I was little. He was with me since I was a toddler going to school and I had shared the joy with Him after being called one of the most outstanding achievers in the class. We used to talk a lot together with my family; He is really a good listener. When I was bullied during my elementary days, He is always present when I need someone I could run to. He was my knight and shining armor. He was with me the time I reached high school, we never really talked nor did I approach him. I was so excited to meet new friends. By the time I had adjusted to my new environment, I knew He was happy for me.
High school was a phase where I was so drunk in the idea of having fun; getting out with friends, drinking, smoking and it came to a point where I committed having relationships with people around me.
I had an on and off relationship and yes, He knew that. He knew I was being pathetic all the time. He knew that I had tried committing suicide because I don’t want my partner to leave me. He knew that I was doing things that my parents didn’t allow me to do. He knew that I was lying because I wanted to join my friends in their drinking sessions. He knew that I was so in love with someone that was not meant for me and no matter how hard I try to make it right, it will never be.
It was 2 years, yes, 2 years of having a relationship that is not accepted by the society. After that, I jumped into another relationship with another person, and yes, He was still with me.
You guess it right, it failed. So I jumped into another one and by this time, I thought it was forever. I was young and foolish and I concluded I was in love but what can an 18-year-old know about love?
I decided to take a pause and noticed Him happy with the decision I made, we tried to work out our relationship until another guy convinced me to let him enter my heart. I knew it was risky, He tried to warn me, but I followed by heart more than following His advice because everything he did was so real, so enticing, and so convincing. And after a month, I was left hanging and forgotten.
And then He was there, He extended His arms and comforted me. I said sorry about not listening and He just smiled and gave me the warmest hug no one had given me.
My stupid fragile heart then again made its way to escape from the idea of being guarded, and then I knew I found myself falling in love this guy, but this time I really knew, he was the one that I prayed for. I looked at Him asking for an approval, and He just gave me a signal but He never left.
I was so careful this time because I wanted the relationship to last. As the time passes by, I realized he was no different than the other boys that I tried to love; he made me love him more than I should love Him. I was so confused because I don’t want to give Him up in order to make him happy. I don’t want to choose, I let the days go by praying that he would consider but in the end, I got tired of understanding him and his reasons.
I nearly lose myself in the process of finding TRUE LOVE.
All along I was a spoiled brat, I was the happy-go-lucky kind of girl and there He was watching me in a distance, waiting for me to recognize Him. But I didn’t care, all along I was selfish and there He was being selfless.
 As I was sacrificing my time, money, my resources, He was there sacrificing His son to save me from the sins of the world.
As I was crying trying to patch the broken pieces of my heart, He was there trying to help me.
As I was defending those bastards that done harm to me, He did a greater job of shielding me against bigger consequences.
I was so busy focusing myself for the love of others when all He did was show His unconditional love that no one can compare.
I was so stupid to find relationships that can give me satisfaction when only a relationship with Him can give me the contentment I have been searching.
Comparing to those people, He has a wider scope of understanding regarding love but I was so blind to accept it.
My stubbornness led me to where I am today, but as I was recalling my experiences I realized that He never fails to give me the love I know I deserve.
He knew every detail of my heartaches, He knew exactly why I was hurt. But there was never a time He gave up on me, He was truly patient with me.
No matter how many times I have taken Him for granted, because of the relationship that was made stronger by time, there was a clear assurance of FOREVER.
We may have forgotten to thank Him for being faithful unto us, but He WAS, He IS AND He WILL always be there. All we have to do is recognize his goodness upon us.

There is no other love can compare to the love that our GOD can give, for He has been through pain, persecution, and sacrifice and yet He still chooses to LOVE us. 

“Greater love has no one than this; to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” JOHN 15:13

Happy hearts day!
Xoxo,
Kath
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